I will tell you why...It's because I am in fact not human. I am a zombie or robot similar to the ones on Stepford Wives but not nearly as perfect, unfortunately. I am the twisted, potty mouthed step sister of one of those lady-bots. I know how to bring home the bacon and fry it up but with far more pizazz and much less class than any of those bimbos! I have been described by my boss as having, and I quote, "Less class than a burned down school house!" True? Maybe so, but I own it and I have a blast! I don't go around judging, myself. I feel that sort of thing is better left to the expert,"The Big Guy in the sky", but some don't have that same outlook I guess.
I am currently in the process of a midnight- bake sale donation -preparation- extravaganza! Not nearly the turn out or as historically notable as Woodstock but the name I gave it has a nice ring to it, dontcha think? I was asked to make something for my sister to sell at her church bake sale so being the great sister that I am... "I'm right on top of that, Rose", a quote from Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitters Dead. Just so happens that in an effort to be the great daughter and the great niece and the great employee at Del's lemonade that I know I should be, now is when that task fits into the schedule. I love to say that word "schedule" in a British upper crusty voice and I just heard myself do just that in my head as I typed the word. Just thought I would share that with y'all! That's me, I'm a sharer and a giver. I can't help it. I really am quite the hostess inviting you right into my head that way.
I began my day by going to the flee market where I man the snack shack for Del's some weekends only to discover I would be the only one there. I quickly left that sad waste of my time ghost town and went to Walmart. Now I spelled it correctly as you will notice but again I open the door to my head for you and share the little tid-bit that I refer to that place as Wallmaaats; thick with Rhode Island accent although I'm told I don't really posses that lovely little gift of an alphabet void of the letter "R". I spent what seemed like an eternity wandering around like Alice in Wonderland searching for items that about 2 months ago I knew right where they lived but have since been relocated in a nonsensical manner and strewn here,there and everywhere for what I hear-tell is to make room for some Swine Flu foolishness. Then after that hour and a half debacle, I headed to my old friend Home Depot where they leave well- enough alone so creatures of habit such as myself don't snap, thank goodness! I then headed over to my parent's house and gave my grandpa a big huge hug because that's what you do when you are blessed with someone that fantastic in your life. My dad, step-mom and sister and I then put away some flooring into storage and stacked some firewood together. I must say, my dad and I have a far better understanding of one another when physical labor is being performed. I like to work beside him because we can talk and enjoy each other in that arena. Can't explain it, just know it to be fact. I then scurried over to my Uncles house. Again, not Uncle X. While this uncle is quite a character as well, he is not the one I would like to write a book with either. I am surrounded by uncles so that may tell you why I turned out to be such a Tomboy. He had a job for me to do involving two giant mirrors that needed mounting upon his bathroom walls. I obliged. In the words of Larry the Cable Guy, "Git R Done!" That is the abridged version of my day that led me to this midnight bake-off.
So having just told you all this in my near comatose stupor, you may be asking yourself why I am still single when I seem like the whole package. What with my practical love of tools and yard work and the fact that I can't grasp the concept of spending hard earned money on frivolous baubles such as jewelry and flowers combined with my superior skills in the kitchen I can't say that I wouldn't be asking the same question. All I can say is, I'm just lucky, I guess! *Wink!
I am currently in the process of a midnight- bake sale donation -preparation- extravaganza! Not nearly the turn out or as historically notable as Woodstock but the name I gave it has a nice ring to it, dontcha think? I was asked to make something for my sister to sell at her church bake sale so being the great sister that I am... "I'm right on top of that, Rose", a quote from Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitters Dead. Just so happens that in an effort to be the great daughter and the great niece and the great employee at Del's lemonade that I know I should be, now is when that task fits into the schedule. I love to say that word "schedule" in a British upper crusty voice and I just heard myself do just that in my head as I typed the word. Just thought I would share that with y'all! That's me, I'm a sharer and a giver. I can't help it. I really am quite the hostess inviting you right into my head that way.
I began my day by going to the flee market where I man the snack shack for Del's some weekends only to discover I would be the only one there. I quickly left that sad waste of my time ghost town and went to Walmart. Now I spelled it correctly as you will notice but again I open the door to my head for you and share the little tid-bit that I refer to that place as Wallmaaats; thick with Rhode Island accent although I'm told I don't really posses that lovely little gift of an alphabet void of the letter "R". I spent what seemed like an eternity wandering around like Alice in Wonderland searching for items that about 2 months ago I knew right where they lived but have since been relocated in a nonsensical manner and strewn here,there and everywhere for what I hear-tell is to make room for some Swine Flu foolishness. Then after that hour and a half debacle, I headed to my old friend Home Depot where they leave well- enough alone so creatures of habit such as myself don't snap, thank goodness! I then headed over to my parent's house and gave my grandpa a big huge hug because that's what you do when you are blessed with someone that fantastic in your life. My dad, step-mom and sister and I then put away some flooring into storage and stacked some firewood together. I must say, my dad and I have a far better understanding of one another when physical labor is being performed. I like to work beside him because we can talk and enjoy each other in that arena. Can't explain it, just know it to be fact. I then scurried over to my Uncles house. Again, not Uncle X. While this uncle is quite a character as well, he is not the one I would like to write a book with either. I am surrounded by uncles so that may tell you why I turned out to be such a Tomboy. He had a job for me to do involving two giant mirrors that needed mounting upon his bathroom walls. I obliged. In the words of Larry the Cable Guy, "Git R Done!" That is the abridged version of my day that led me to this midnight bake-off.
So having just told you all this in my near comatose stupor, you may be asking yourself why I am still single when I seem like the whole package. What with my practical love of tools and yard work and the fact that I can't grasp the concept of spending hard earned money on frivolous baubles such as jewelry and flowers combined with my superior skills in the kitchen I can't say that I wouldn't be asking the same question. All I can say is, I'm just lucky, I guess! *Wink!
Sounds like it was a busy day...and I have to say I prefer the English "schedule" myself. :) However "walmart" in my head is "Wally World" and we have my dad to thank for that. :)
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! I love that we get to think of the ones we love during the most mundane of duties like shopping at "Walmart" and giggle! Thanks for reading and commenting! Fun fun fun!!
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