Off the pool float and onto a slab of concrete!

I have recently moved back out of my mother's home after a year long stint. I intended the stay to be temporary but time quickly slipped by as it does and I ended up there for over a year. I packed all my worldly possessions into storage and took just the essentials. The essentials meaning my dogs, most of my clothes and my DVD collection. I packed all my furniture and bought an air mattress that we affectionately called my "pool float" and set up like I was going camping on my mother's bedroom floor. I now rent a room and hauled some things from storage, one being my bed that people tell me closely resembles a queen sized slab of concrete but it still makes me feel more like a human than sleeping on the pool float ever did.

She was ever-so patient and only dropped the "subtle" hint that I wasn't as neat as she would like every once in a while although I'm sure it came to her mind about every hour or so. She helped me with my dogs and made things as easy as she could for me given the tight quarters. Now I miss her little idiosyncrasies and our late night banter and as I sit in silence in my new room I think of her waking up violently in the middle of the night in a full blown hot flash yelling out when I question what she's doing, "It's hot in here, damnit!!" and when I chuckle at her she would follow it with a sharp and poignant, "Well it is!!" I also in some sick way miss her polluting the air with giant farts; that she claims came with no warning mind you even though she would physically lift half her body to let it escape into the atmosphere without any speed bumps to slow it down. Sometimes she truly was not aware that she had done it because she was fast asleep but I don't sleep well at all so in the quiet wee hours of the morning I would be audience for her one-man band. Let me tell you, she has talent in that area that surpasses most.

I am reminded of her almost daily practice, until we got a DVR, of sitting on my computer with her feet on the recliner and her wire rim glasses perched on the tip of her nose like an angry librarian. She was listening to a Rush Limbaugh podcast while Judge Judy was on the one household t.v. on mute. Clearly she had Bogarted any and all forms of electronic entertainment we had. I was forced to watch Judy but to the sound of Rush, I called this fantastic show "Judge Limbaugh" and we laugh about it like friends with a fabulous inside joke but you are all let in it on it now so count yourselves among the lucky.

I have no cable nor internet in the room I rent from a friend about 10 minutes from my mom's so I have been catching up on reading and gotten back to revisiting my DVD collection. It's nice to be on my own again but I miss my mom. I know that it wasn't the ideal situation for either one of us but she helped me and I her and the memories of making my mom laugh until she begged me to stop before she peed her pants will forever be fond ones. Just goes to show you that life is what make of it! It's all in your attitude and for generations the women in my family have had plenty of that to go around!

The truth is often times ugliest when it is something you need to hear...

Now here I am, inspired to write because I have just finished viewing the movie The Ugly Truth. I am fully aware that this is a romantic comedy and make believe but really when you get down to it, it does have a lot of realistic characteristics of human nature in it. Let's face it, many of us are conceited, controlling, shallow and have an unrealistic view of what a relationship should be.

I myself have been told that I was not date-material because of my occupation. I'm not sure if that was just a cop-out or if that was an ego that couldn't handle what I do but either way, I find it sad. On one hand we have someone not man enough to just tell a woman he just simply didn't feel was someone he had enough spark with to begin dating, and on the other, someone not man enough to see that what one does for a living is just that. I'm not sure what is more disappointing of a revelation for me. I have really only let myself go twice in my adult life and the first time I was not as adult as I had hoped because I pushed a great man away in fear and the second time, I didn't really mean to allow the walls to come down but they did and someone I admired let me down.

So here's perhaps more of the ugly truth about me then anyone may care to know..

I am not so naive to think that a relationship is simple. Quite the contrary. I have seen enough people around me conform to someone they are not in an attempt to please someone else and that will always implode. I have no desire to become someone else. I am what I am and for the most part I love it. I have beautiful friends and a fantastic, crazy family, strong faith, love and respect for my God, am hard working and have libertarian political views. I am a Tom-boy with a splash of girly thrown in there. I am super sarcastic with a twisted sense of humor. Independence is key for me because I have seen many people I love become trapped because they didn't have enough confidence in their own ability to take care of themselves to walk away from something they didn't really want. By the same token, I hope to trust someone enough someday to be able to depend on them to support me emotionally and in any other way necessary.

I try hard to not dwell on the fact that someone does not return feelings for me. I know I can't force someone to like me and I don't ever want to be accused of making something out of nothing with someone else. I am of the mind that if the butterflies aren't there, I won't waste my time. I hear people say things like "see if he grows on you" and "give it a few a more dates" and I find that absurd. When it's good and right it will happen and be comfortable, not forced or awkward. I would rather be happy alone then unhappy with someone else.

I want passion and heat but that can't be all we have in common. I want someone who is bold enough to say when they think I am wrong but big enough to admit it when they are as well. I think for the most part women are mean spirited and take advantage of who ever they can and that men are manipulative and know what to say and when say it. If we could just grow up and get past these practices, the human race will be happier in their honesty.

If I could dole out advice to other singletons like myself based on all I've seen it would be this; to the men searching for miss right, complaining to everyone about the hours it takes your trophy to get ready to go somewhere isn't fooling anyone. It has been my experience that when I throw my hair under a hat and throw on jeans and Nikes, that is just not enough for some guys. The illusion that a woman smells great and looks great at all times overshadows the fact that wearing pantyhose is uncomfortable and although high heals do wonders for my legs and bottom, they are not nearly as gratifying as sneakers. The truth is, beauty fades and figures sag and bloat so as trite as it sounds, build a foundation on more then looks. Talking and laughing with one another is far more important in the years to come then what she looked like when you went out. Find a girl who is pretty but doesn't know it.

To my girls; lets not worry so much about the car he drives and maybe focus more on his goals and motivation to achieve them. Try to get along with his family because coming between the one you love and their family will only cause trouble all around. Be yourself and be confident in what you want and need. Don't ever look at someone as a project because no one wants to be controlled and asked to give up things that they enjoy. Find someone you can respect and want to work with to make a relationship a success not someone you want to work to change into someone else.

I learned from the movie that just like in make believe, life can surprise you. When we least expect it, fate steps in and puts someone in your life. I don't like to look for someone nor want to be with someone to buy time until someone better comes along. I don't want to be just someone to be with, I want to be the only one someone wants to be with and I am content to be on my own until such time as the person who I can be happy with and is happy being with me is put in my life. It is important to be happy with oneself before you attempt to try to make someone else happy. Be complete, not in search of someone else to complete you. I hope for someone that will compliment me instead. I try to remember that if something is too ugly to hear it is more then likely true. I can learn from and have growth out of truth. That makes the ugly truth a beautiful thing.

The days are getting shorter and dark comes too soon... and I'm afraid of the dark.

SO WHAT... Yeah it's true. I'm afraid of the dark. Not so much the dark but what lurks in it. Bumps, thuds, creaking floor boards... all of it! I hate it! I'm a huge wimp... I admit it freely and openly. I should own a large, intimidating guard dog but instead I have Mollie and Riley, chihuahuas whose combined body weight is less then just the head of a normal dog! What was I thinking when I made that choice, anyway??

Unless you couldn't have guessed by now with the confession I just made, horror films... not my favorite! I can't watch Friday the 13th, Chucky, Saw and I don't like gore or blood. Not even a little like in Jaws. The whole thing freaks me out. Puts ideas in my tiny little head. I can't watch someone else be tortured physically or psychologically. I'm not wired that way for some reason. Funny that I say that as if it's a bad thing. I am kind of of the mindset that if you are one who enjoys that sort of thing... maybe there's a wire with a short inside you but that's beside the point. In fact, cartoons are great! Yes, Wile E. Coyote is taunted by the Road Runner, run over by trains, smashes into giant rocks while strapped to a rocket he sent away for from ACME but the sounds of terror and blood puddles never make it into the scene somehow! If Looney Tunes were being made now the fun would come to a screeching halt when Wile E. calls his lawyer and sues ACME for selling him something that makes it possible to maim himself while using the product and they will pay up and either go bankrupt or be forced to print some foolish disclaimer about not using the device to hunt down a Road Runner as if any of the rest of us would do such a thing as this. Ludicrous isn't it? It happens everyday in the world we live in, sadly.

Oh well, I digress... my favorite movies are ones filled with slap-stick, laughter, love and sarcasm. When the entire population of a town breaks out in song and somehow knows every step to a dance and perform it flawlessly at just the right moment that makes me want to live in that town and magically possess talent just like all my neighbors. Wow, that would be great! Sexual tension also adds to the fun even though I know full well that the guy will get his gal in the end. Never happens in real life for me but I enjoy it on screen just the same. I guess predictability isn't all bad. I am pretty predictable in many ways myself. Like many of you the routine is what I follow and life becomes a series of mundane days that blend together to form boring weeks that meld and make dreary month after month until we look up and see the calender somehow reads an entire year later. I for one am opposed to this practice and I say we unite and form a front against the "usual" and the "blah". We don't have to live like this, we deserve to chuckle when we think of something our friend said last week when we spontaneously got together for dinner and spirited "bitchfest" just to get a few things off our chests!

So go out for ice cream, a glass of wine or buy some cheese cake and put on your pj's like the Golden Girls. Relax and have fun with a friend, sister, mother or a great movie you haven't watched in a long time. You might just wake up happier the next day and that would be a "good thing" if I may borrow a catch phrase from our crafty hag friend Martha Stewart. That will be the first and only time I borrow anything from her, I promise! Her daughter, Alexis is way more like my personality. Her and I could be friends, heck sisters even. Let's do it, watch a cartoon again or read a Junie B. Jones book like we did in 4th grade and let's get back to sneaking a little bit of frivolous fun into our busy grown- up lives! It will be worth it... if you do one of these things, drop a line and let me know what you did and if it brought back some spring in your step. A little fun never hurt anyone... not even the Coyote! Let's share stories of singing along to Mary Poppins and dancing around the living room like a kid who has no worries... except what may be hiding under our beds waiting to eat my toes after I turn out the lights!!! AHHHHHHH!