Black Friday shopping is all fun and games until someone pukes on your trunk.

Jen and I have been going out Black Friday shopping in the middle of the night together for a few years in a row now. Sure it's a great opportunity to score some great deals on electronics or handbags and bang out a good deal of your Christmas gift buying list, but the night promises to be so much more then just that. To me, some of the greatest gifts are given outside the stores on the sidewalk while waiting to rush in with the crowd. Other times, treasure is found inside in line at the register. There is a nugget of goodness at nearly every turn and we love every minute of it.

I've mentioned Jen in some of my past blogs many times. She is a very important person to me to say the least. I wrote in a text to her this morning that she was my soulmate and I honestly believe that with all that am. We are so in sync with one another that with just a quick glance over the shoulder, I know exactly what she is thinking. We are like Steve Erwin on safari and the wild life was out in force last night for sure! I've known Jen over half my life and still think how scary it is that we found each other. Two twisted bitches hurling shit like monkeys in a zoo everywhere we go.

We started the night by meeting in the parking lot of Kohl's department store just before 11pm. The lot was relatively quiet with a few handfuls of cars and no line at the door yet. We decided given the circumstances, we could afford a Dunkin Donuts run to grab Jen a Mountain Dew to fuel up. We zipped to D&D in Jen's swift ride, I poured her Dew in her large cup for her as is customary and we headed back. The lot had more cars in it now and a small line had formed but we decided to wait it out since midnight was when the doors would open and it was cold out. We sat in the car and I tweeted, we chatted, people walked by and we teased the unsuspecting strangers and we watched the line grow. At some point, she asked who I was texting and when I told her I was tweeting not really texting she responded with a dry, "that's wild" which I found amusing and we used that phrase as a tag line all night long. We noticed the two older chicks in the car near us had fogged up windows and surmised they were making out for warmth and steamed it up. We held fake conversations for the unattractive boy and his way -out -of -his -league girlfriend who walked by and decided he was telling her to hurry up because he really wanted to buy her nice panties and she could model them when they got home so they needed to rush to get a good spot in line. All very immature for two women in their thirty's, I know. It's just what we do.

As the line grew Jen took notice and said we better get in there before we are standing under the Dollar General sign about six stores down the line from the door of Kohl's. We got in line and quickly a large group of young kids piled in behind us. Jen and I talked, I tweeted, they spoke about things like fighting and "cutting" people (and i dont mean in line) very loudly like they were very "street" and we should be impressed or intimidated. We shot each other looks when one of them would say something particularly crazy and both periodically checked our purses because for some reason the gang member wanna be's kept touching our bags behind us a lot and it was weird and made our snobby skin crawl and we were paranoid.

The doors opened, the crowd bum rushed the store and the race was on. Jen had scouted a few days before and knew where the items on her list were located already so we were in and out of there in no time. We did see "panty boy" and his clearly low self esteem ridden girlfriend while we were in line and Jen gestured for me to take inventory to see if we predicted correctly what they were after. Not a thong nor sensible cotton brief in his pile. I predicted wrong. Surprise!

After that we went to Walmart here Jen thought she could pick up a few bargains for her 4 year old niece. On the way inside I decided to grace Jen with a world class fart while making eye contact and pretending to be interested in the story about Thanksgiving family foolishness to see what reaction I would get. She didnt skip a beat and simply paused her story telling long enough to say "Really?! Are you kidding me with that, Kim?" coupled with a disaproving look. She knows just how to handle me, God bless her. There weren't many people, stuff was disorganized and employees were everywhere doing nothing so that was a bust and we left.

On to Toys R Us next to see about something for her niece and maybe find something for her son. We parked and got in and found a little something to start her niece gift pile and followed the blue tape arrows on the floor that zig zagged like a maze through aisles and around shelves and formed the marathon route to the registers. We got in line like cattle and continued our banter and people watching. We kept getting a wiff of fart and occasional horrid, pungent body oder and tried to locate the source of each individual stench. It was like a game. We got out and returned to the car and Jen, the always concerned friend asked me politely if I wanted a soda or a snack or for her to drive me out into the woods and leave me for dead. She delivered the line perfectly and I didn't expect it but once I realized what she had said and why we both laughed like crazy. I think it was around 1:30am at this juncture and delirium was beginning to set in. I know the bulk of this is only funny to us anyway and it's a lot of "you had to be there" kind of stuff but it was one laugh after another or us.

Now we decided to see what Target had to offer. They always have lots of DVD's for my collection so I grabbed a handfull and we began searching for the end of the line. Luckily, part way through, we ran into my step-mom and her sister and they graciously offered to take my DVD's to the end of the line with them so we could avoid the 2 hours total they spent in line and we moved on to the mall.

We went to Victoria's Secret and took advantage of the buy one get one half off on bras deal and we got a complimentary tote bag with lotion and body spray samples as well as a tiny tube of something called "face primer" which I have no idea what the purpose is because I am not a beauty product person at all!! Satisfied with our over the shoulder boulder holders, we moseyed down to Old Navy and scored Jen some cozy little around -the -house type shirts.

After all that we were waiting forJcPenny to open to grab a few discounted to the point of fairly priced toys for Jen's little boy so we went to the food court to kill a little time. The deli was the only thing open serving food at 3am so we ordered a grilled cheese and mozzarella sticks for a snack and sat down. This proved to be the best spot to witness the animals that were out that night so we just observed the wild life in its natural habitat. One well endowed in the darrier department woman walked by us on her way to the restroom and stunned us with her sewing skills. She had an awe inspiring patch of denim about 10 inches square that was a very impressive 8 or 10 shades lighter then the rest of her jeans planted smack dab in the center of her billboard sized ass. Subtle.


Then while eating and talking Jen pulled a signature "slip something in off the topic of conversation as if it belongs" and as she took a bite of her grilled cheese informed me that the table of ladies behind me had just gotten up and "one of those ladies just picked her wedge and I'm watching" was the "slip in" of the moment that time. Some people are less classy then we are so I don't feel so bad.

By this time, Penny's was open so we ran in and got the baby 2 toys, paid and proceeded to try to weave our way out. That's when perhaps our favorite moment occurred. We were ducking and diving like a football player running for a touchdown, me right on Jen's heals when it slapped us in the face. A chunky African American girl with her pants halfway down her ass was standing off to the side a little, her butt crack very exposed and we spotted it at the same time. Jen looked over her shoulder and we made bulging eye contact and instantly lost our shit. The girl must have noticed that people were cracking up at her crack and as we sped away from the scene of that accident, heard her say something like, "oh dammit! That must be why people have been laughing!" as she hiked up her drawers. Jen turned to me and said, "I just saw my first black butt crack" and I laughed so hard I almost bellowed and had to take a moment to not fall on the floor. On the way to the door an employee handing out little red boxes stopped Jen and asked if she got her snow globe to which she threw out her hand and said "NO!" very excitedly. She stopped so I was in front of the special gift giver girl and I almost ran into her as she gave a look that said "take that from her, Idiot!", so I did. I held the little box inspecting it in my hand and asked Jen what the hell it was. She told me she didn't know but it was free. I was a little floored at that and snapped, "I'll tell you what it is... It's yours, bitch!" Just because it's free doesn't mean I want it!! In fact, usually that is the precise reason I do not in fact want it! She should know this about me by now.

We left the mall and went over to our last stop of the night, the Navy base. The Exchange opened at 4am and had a few things Jen wanted to snatch up. We got there about 10 after and it was pretty packed. People had hard ons for the discounts on Ugg boots, X Box and North Face gear so we joined them. We picked out a few things and Jen was very pleased that she had gotten the last Floor Shark and we headed to check out. We charged for the elevator with our cart full of stuff just as a middle aged man and his overly jubilant wife who was chanting "we are heading for he exit door" while she kicked her left leg up now and then swooped in front of us at the elevator. Jen turned to me and said "we'll just carry our stuff down the escalator" with more than a little fear in her eyes. We scooped up our stuff and took the safer route to the exit, loaded up the car and went back to where my car was, left at Kohl's. It was 5am and we were done for the night now. We hugged, I gathered my things and we went to our respective homes and beds.

She sent a text between 9 and 10 am and we chatted and thanked each other for the company and good times. I told her she was my soulmate and I love her and she responded with "I love you too. I'm glad when I saw my first black butt crack it was with you." Gosh, she sure does have a way with words and know just how to sweet talk me.

I got showered and dressed to run a quick errand and found perhaps the greatest gift I received that night. I walked out to get in my car and saw that someone had puked lots of something pink with what looked like ruffles potato chips in it all over my drunk, under the spoiler and down to the bumper of my car sometime that night. Karma giving me a cosmic kick in the balls for making fun of strangers to remind that payback is indeed a bitch?! Maybe so. I went to the high velocity car wash and cleaned up my present so it's all just a memory with the other great moments of the night. I just have to decide which way to go with renaming Black Friday for next year. Should it be "Black Buttcrack Friday" or "Pink Puke Friday"? I'll figure it out in the year to come but I know this, I can't wait to see what's in store for Jen and I when it gets here!

I'm a freak of nature... But I'm learning what I'm capable of from a very unlikely source.

So as I have outlined in many of my entries prior, I am sort of A-typical, to say the least. I've mentioned my obsessions with relationships, human nature and sexuality as much as I admit to my lack of desire to experience any of it first hand. We know I'm sarcastic and I've honed my comedic skills and use what I've learned to guard against things I fear. I enjoy living and dressing androgynous because femininity is an easy way to get hurt. It's viewed as a weakness, (I know. I'm thinking as I write it "what year is this") and I want to be stronger then I am in spite of the fact that I know I shouldn't. I spend a lot of time deep inside myself inspecting and critiquing who I am and why. This particular blog entry is dedicated to someone I don't really know and quite likely will never get to meet but whom I owe a great deal. This stranger from so far away has opened me up and made me feel more human then I ever have. They don't know it. They probably never will.

Here's the thing, or part of it. This person randomly befriended me on a popular networking site. One I use mostly as an outlet and for further study of humor and how people react. It's mindless fun for me. I witness outrageous things and am outrageous myself without judgement. Refreshing. This stranger threw a monkey wrench in the works. This person, whom shall remain nameless, has taught me a lot without even realizing. I am very good at being guarded and "stranger from faraway" has broken down some of that and caused me to explore and discover I may be capable of more then I thought. This started for me as kind of more interesting, like a science project. At this point I have a friendship and care a great deal for someone I don't actually know in the flesh. I would love to be able to meet this stranger and have a conversation and witness character and personality and see how it differs from what I know from written conversation. Beyond the anilitical side of me though, is a woman who has bonded and genuinly has chemistry with said stranger and has a lot in common with them so to meet would just be fun. This person is confident and sexy. Smart and funny. Successful and in control. Open and brutally honest. All things I don't consider myself to be. This fascinates me. I am drawn to "stranger" and admire and respect them. I hope this journey continues and I learn more and more as I go.

All of this leads me to this little side note because of the nonjudgemental nature this stranger possess and which I find refreshing and not unlike myself. I get frustrated by judgement. I read Portia De Rossi's book, "Unbearable Lightness" mostly because the idea of an eating disorder is so foreign to me and I was looking to see it from the point of view of a sufferer. If you haven't read the book, you really should. She is a phenomenal writer and her detail of the frame of mind and thought process are incredible. Beyond learning about all that, I was struck by the idea and sobering realisation that for Portia at least, all of it was born from insecurity and fear of judgement. The fact that she was afraid to be herself sexually is tragic. This is a subject near and dear to my heart.

I am an advocate for being exactly who you are and fuck anyone who thinks that's not ok. I don't always practice what I preach, but for the most part I am not timid about speaking my mind and encourage others to do the same. I try to go by the motto "Live and let live". That is to say, you don't have the right to judge people and condemn them for their pursuit of happiness just because it takes a path that differs from yours. Everyone has a right to find and hold what makes them happy as long as it doesn't infringe on someone else's freedom. What i mean by that is its not ok to harm or hurt someone else or force another into anything for the sake of your happiness. Just wanted to make that clear that I dont condone anything that involves another who is unwillingly involved. Don't beat people beacause it makes you happy. Don't touch children, that makes you a pervert. Now that I have explained what I mean when say you have the right to pursue your happiness I will move on.

The word pervert is used to describe things that are not perverted. That's wrong. The phrase "that offends me" is quite frankly over and improperly used to try to justify bigotry. That is wrong. We as human beings, no matter how pompous and egotistical we are, have no right to inflict pain, mental, emotional, physical or otherwise on another human being simply because we don't understand or want to agree with another's choices. That's wrong. The fact that people taunt and tease others to the point of mental anguish and cause self loathing and hatred where it otherwise would not dwell is wrong. To torture someone for what they do or who they are to the point where they harm or even kill themselves is barbaric. Why we think this practice is justified is beyond me.

This portion is indeed a hand on the shoulder from me to the homosexual population. I love you and stand by you. I don't hate anyone and there's no need to yet so many people hate for no reason. I don't understand why so many people are so stuck on who loves who but it's childish and needs to stop. If 2 adults are committed to one another and treat each other well and with respect and love, then dammit, that's a family. Just because it's not what your portrait looks like doesn't mean it's any less valid. I hear all the time that gay marriage threatens the sanctity of marriage. That's bullshit and any logical person knows this. Heterosexuality is doing a bang up job of flushing sanctity down the toilet but that's overlooked. I have known people who stayed in abusive relationships because of the urging of the people who should have their best interest at heart but clearly don't. They will point out that there are children involved, or the abuser is a good provider or some such nonsense yet that will be the first person to cast judgement on a happy, healthy homosexual relationship. That's infuriating stuff. People overlook infidelity and remain in loveless, unhappy relationships for fear of what othe people think all the time. We give each other too much power and it should stop. It's dangerous. You deserve to love and be loved and to be happy no matter what that looks like. Don't let anyone tell you different. RuPaul uses a quote that basically says what someone else thinks of me is none of my business. We give the opinion of a fool credence when we let it affect us. Without that, it's just the spouting of verbal diarrhea out the mouth of an idiot.

So, all that out of the way, I will continue with describing the positivity I have found in a stranger. I like that they see below the surface and still take the time to get to know more. This person may just dig me out of the hole I've buried myself and hide inside of. Only time will tell. For now, I'm thankful for the new unique friendship and insight I gain from each conversation. They have no idea the loyal friend they are making or how much I enjoy and cherish them. I raise my glass to relationships born and bred from different circumstances! Cheers, Mate! ;)

Those bloody Brits! What they lack in culinary skills they make up for in comic talent.

In the movie "Snatch" there is one of many hilarious quotes that goes a little something like this, "London. Bad food. Worse weather. Mary fuckin' Poppins. London". Now, I've never been myself but from what I understand those accusations are quite true and Mary fuckin Poppins was indeed from London. However, I think the sense of humor that is exhibited in the British films and tv shows I've seen so far is far beyond that of us American folks.
I remember watching "are you being served as a kid with my grandmother and thinking how smart that show was. They push boundaries further. My brother and I hunt for British sketch comedy shows on Netflix and the Internet and find that they are so clever. One of our favorites is "The Catherine Tate Show". That is one talented woman! The accents and mannerisms she uses when playing a character are flawless. She is on a whole different level.
We also like "Little Britain" very much. Some of the scenarios they play out are just brilliant beyond words. These 2 men poke fun at people of all different social classes and dress as women just like the genius British fellas who made "Monty Python" such a success. They do spot on stereotype portrayals of teen girls, flamboyant gays, cross dressers, white trash and so much more. It's so smart the way they make us laugh at things and if your eyes are open you can see how silly the practice of stereotyping really is as well. We can laugh and learn to be tolerant of all kinds of people at then same time.
"Absolutely Fabulous" is another example of great comedy done right by our friends across the pond. The reversal of mother and daughter traditional roles is done perfectly and they prove that almost anything can be funny and the sicker the better!
I love that talent seems to rule over shallow things. They don't seem to be preoccupied by how much the actress weighs or how handsome the leading man is. They work and are successful because they are great at what they do. We have horrible actors who speak as if reading it straight off a card in front of them yet they work because they are "hot". To me, when watching a movie or tv show, I'd rather be entertained then turned on but have it your way, America. It's a shame that American culture is so sex driven that we can't appreciate a person for their mind. If we can't bounce a quarter off their ass, they don't belong on the big screen. Well, I for one get my kicks above the waistline, Sunshine so I will continue to be amused by the far more talented and seemingly less shallow British actors!
I also like the fact that people have hard time understanding them when they speak. I'm a mumbler Im told and people are constantly asking me to repeat myself. My grandfather used to say as if I wasn't sitting right next to him, "Does anyone understand what Kimberly is saying?". I'm pretty sure the people who can't understand me either are deaf or intimidate me so I am soft spoken but that's neither here nor there. All I'm suggesting is to explore British television and film and for goodness sake, pay attention and listen up no matter where you are. You just may see or hear something brilliant!

You just cant make some stuff up... it's just a fact.

For quite some time now, I have been anti-dating. I was sitting last night, as i often do on a Friday night because I don't date, enjoying DVD extras from one of my favorite shows, The Office and there was one section where they had footage from a convention where many of the show's writers were in attendance. They were all seated on a stage in a line and the audience had the opportunity to ask questions of these talented people about the characters, the town they chose to base the show in and the method they use for script writing. I found some of the advice particularly amusing. One audience member asked how they get ideas for the crazy scenarios that play themselves out on the show and many of the writers had to admit that even some of the crazy stuff was true events that happened to them or someone they know and just to write those things down and see if other people find it as funny as you do can be beneficial and has been in the case of that show . So here I sit, about to do that very thing and maybe I'll learn a little something about myself along with you.

It is admittedly a bit of fear and lack of self-esteem that is behind the yucky feeling my tummy gets when I think about putting myself out there in the dating world. I have maybe seen a bit too much too young and not really had a bunch of great, healthy relationships to show me that it is real and tangible to find another human being to love and love me back. This perhaps is part of why I like to watch relationships on screen and enjoy the joy and the pain from the safety of my couch. My mom in her younger days was not faithful to my father and also chose to include her young children in her infidelity. She brought us along and although I was 9 when they divorced, I was old enough to know something not quite right had been happening. My grandparents on my father's side had split before I was born because of infidelity as well but they have to this day the most healthy, normal relationship in my family I think, oddly enough. My mother's parents didn't exactly give a great example of mutual respect and as sad as that reality is, it is something we jest about often now maybe just to ease the sadness a little.

My family isn't really squishy or emotional and the man I credit with my ability to feel human is my grandfather, Erastus. He treated my brother and I, as I understand it, much differently then he did his 4 boys when they were younger. He wanted to listen to me when I needed it. He wanted to tell me stories from his past including his time in the Army, a career in cross country trucking, heavy equipment operating and mechanic work and many stories of our family and people in the town when he was growing up. He cooks with his rough 81 year old worker hands but when I watch him do it I see an artist at work and I know that cooking is just another way he pours his love out for me. I was raised in his house and most things that are good for me and about me are because of him. He is a wonderful man and I am so proud to be loved by him.

Now that that part of my journey has been traveled, let me move on. My parents did divorce when I was 9 and my brother was 5. I don't remember a lot from being a kid but I remember being in the backseat of my mom's subaru car when she gave me advice that I don't think she meant to stick with me but I believe it did. She was frustrated. Her ex-husband wasn't paying child support and her boyfriend whom she had an affair with wasn't calling her. She sped away from her boyfriend's home and looked in the rear view mirror at me. She squinted her eyes looking at me in the backseat and said "Kimberly. Men aren't worth a piss hole in the snow. You remember that." And I did. We joke about it now and it is in the book of wisdom and quotes my brother and I have in our brains along with many others.

We moved to Pennsylvania when my mom remarried for the first time. We had many changes happening at home in RI but we went to spend the summer with mom and step-dad. At home, Dad's girlfriend and her 3 children were moving into our half of grandpa's duplex as well as the arrival of their child while we were away melting in the sun with cow crap in PA. I was 12 that summer and had no friends in our new town. I asked mom to do something with me and she would say "I'm not your playmate. Go find a friend." or "I had 2 kids so they would play with each other." I think she was more unhappy with her own choices then we were and she took that out on us a little. We have since gained a good relationship and a little better understanding of one another so when I hug her now she doesn't tell me it's too hot and don't hang on her so things are much better.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't have a bad childhood or lack for any of the vital things one needs. It just wasn't as happy as it could have been. I learned in the past decade or so to make the best life I can for myself and not to blame others so much and to love people for who they are and not to hate them for who they can't be. I had to learn a lot about forgiveness.

So, now that maybe we can understand why I am sarcastic and I use humor as defense and all that crapola... we can jump a few years. I did sort of date some but I think that maybe that only solidified my ideas on the subject. One date with a very handsome young guy was very comical. My friend Jen and I were going on a double date to the movies and it was Saturday. At this time, I was a cook in a local restaurant and being the weekend I made lots of fish. Baked cod and fried shrimp and fish and chips were turned out like crazy on the weekends and if you have ever cooked you know that some things leave their smell in your skin. That was the case for me I discovered as I was showering and attempting to cleanse the smell of flounder from my hands. I finished in the bathroom and came out to tell Jen about the problem and after sniffing my hand and turning up her nose, she said "Don't worry about it, Kim. Who is going to smell your fingers on a first date anyway?" That made perfect sense and I couldn't think why I would be so worried about something like that.

The guys showed up and we hopped in separate cars, me with my hotty and Jen with hers for some reason I still don't understand. Somewhere along the way this young man did the unthinkable and took my hand and began kissing it and put my fingers right in his mouth! It was all I could do to not laugh my ass off partly because I was embarrassed and partly because WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?! If cell phones were there I would have video taped it and sent it to Jen with some stupid caption I'm sure but I had to wait until we got to Warwick and we could run into the ladies room together to discuss the matter. Jen was hysterical and laughed like crazy and the next time we all hung out she let the hold on her tongue loose and made some comment like "Vinny, do you like fish?" and I could do nothing but look at her wide eyed and mortified and watch her say some of the funniest things I had ever heard her say. We all laughed about it then and she and I laugh about it from time to time now, 12 years later. The date when Vinny had Kim's fish fingers. Classic.

That's kinda how dating goes for me so I have done a very good job of avoiding it. That however sets up a whole new set of problems for me. People think I may be deformed in some way, or I have a social disorder maybe, am I gay or straight? Questions come up all the time. To be honest, I don't know what I am. I have a genuine lack of desire that has been described as A-sexual or non-sexual. My personal favorite is when a teenage friend of the daughter of my fpal of mine asked if I was gay she answered "No. She's A-sexual." The teen sat for a minute and said "A-what??" and she responded "She's nothing." I find that very funny and it is my favorite way to describe my sexuality or lack there of.

I'm not against relationships and I find people attractive but I get nausea when I think about opening up and letting someone in. I think love is beautiful and of course if I ever found it by accident somehow, I would try to hold on with all my might but I just seem to find myself in one long drawn out joke after another so I don't play that game too often.

I get lots of advice though, like "Get drunk. You won't even know it happened." or "Get a vibrator. They are GREAT." or "Let me set you up." I don't really think any of that sounds fun in fact I have heard a vibrator horror story that makes me glad one of those monsters does not live in my house. I had a downstairs neighbor who told us the tale of a vibrator from long ago in her past that sent shivers down my spine. She had a husband when she was younger who traveled for work. He thought it a sexy good idea to get her a toy and tell her to get to know herself while he was away. She tucked it away and forgot about it for a while until one trip he was on she stumbled on it and gave it try. It wasn't doing much for her at first until she noticed that the batteries were leaking acid and she had burns on her thighs. That was a lesson I don't need learn for myself, thank you very much. By the way... why do people think they can tell these things?!?! Yeeeesh!

Any way you slice it, dating is always a failed venture for me but I'm glad if it works out for you. I hope you all find bliss and live long happy lives together and I would love to hear success stories all day long. But for goodness sakes, DON'T ever tell me if you burn yourself with your vibrator! That's just one of those things you can't make up and you should keep to yourself. It's just a fact.

I must have gone to Ding Dong School!

This particular blog will be fun for me as I enjoy filthy little things and mistakes and udder stupidity and I am elated when I find them just wondering around my world. I will go to almost any length to capture an image whenever possible so I can share these treasures with my friends and some of them do the same so it's like a little scavenger hunt for us and I'm sure if you keep your eyes open you can be witness to things just like this, too! They may be simple little things but the joy they bring is enormous. Join me, won't you?

Now this first photo is of a roll of novelty toilet paper I found in the home of one of our customers. They wrapped it neatly and put a paper cuff around it that reads poo-pourri. That's both a brilliant and elegant way to showcase your T.P. Everyone needs this product but this was a great way to set your brand apart from the others. A fun little play on words since potpourri smells good but when your ready to use this chances are the smell will be far from pleasant. Kudos to the makers of Poo-Pourri toilet tissue!

My good friend Jen and I found this shining example of crazy while having lunch at Olive Garden in Waterford CT last weekend. I always thought it strange that people would buy stickers with stick figures of their children, some with names and all and plaster them on their vehicles. It's like a billboard for child molesters. To me it says "Follow this car. Their are 3 kids that live where this car lives and here are their names to make it easier for you to lure them into your van." Might not even need the line "Do you kids like candy?" That aside though, this car was parked right beside ours and it too says something. It says "Like the smell of cat pee? Well, follow us home! We have 10 cats living with us and we are so lucky to have found one another, us two crazy cat people!" Indeed, they are lucky... YIKES!

This fine piece of art work was also found in the home of a customer with a profound sense of humor. This switch plate is in the guest cottage bathroom and I found it so divine that I went right online and purchased one for myself. It mixes my love for art and my thirst for sick perfectly.

The above photo was taken from the corner of a child's chalk board. It had up in the top right hand corner a very endearing sketch of an old fashioned school house and down in the far left bottom corner this school bell that looks like there is missing punctuation or words stuck together that shouldn't be. What better way to boost self confidence and instill pride in a child then to give them a chalk board and tell them that they can pretend to be a teacher but remember, you are only bright enough to teach at "Ding Dong School" because you are an idiot.

This lovely wallpaper job is also in a home we have done work in. It in no way could have been on purpose unless this was the most talented installer of wallpaper in the world. The entire bathroom is papered and it is a very large room so for this to have been planned would be even more impressive. It just happens to be and that makes it greater still in my eyes. What are the odds that the switch right near the commode would almost perfectly center the man's squeaker on the on/off switch? It does beg me to giggle when someone says the phrase "Could you turn that light on?" "Yes I can! GRRRR!"

This was the front of a vacuum bag but looks more like an add for an escort service boasting a great reputation for 100% customer satisfaction. That's not my bag, Baby!

I'm not sure if Westerly Walmart recruits it's employees straight from Ding Dong School or what but I have to say this doesn't seem like such a bargain to me.

This was one part of a Dagwood comic strip but set aside on it's own sounds more like part of a Chris Rock standup routine. It is especially funny to Jen and I because over the years we have said things that were completely innocent when you don't have a sick mind but the second the words left our mouths and reached our ears and the connection was made by our minds that dwell in the gutter at all times, we knew we had made a mistake with the choice of words. For instance, about 10 years ago Jen, myself and a group of friends were at dinner and I made one such blunder. Jen has always been very thin and beautiful but has quite an appetite. She finished ordering and the waitress left the table and one of our friends remarked on the amount of food she had ordered for someone so tiny. I piped in and said "She may be much smaller then I am but she can always eat me under the table." I instantly knew I should not have said that but it comes up from time to time and we laugh about that double entendre to this day.

A bit more recently, and the reason I snapped this picture and sent it off to Jen in a text, she made a blunder that was just as good as mine. Unfortunately, I was the only one there to witness it but we laughed for a while just the same. One of our traditions is to get together at the home of either Jen and her husband or to meet at my apartment at least a few times a month. When we are at my place we get a combo plate from our favorite chinese restaurant, Chen's and share it and have our girl talk. When we meet at her house, I will often stop at Outback in New London and pick up an order of cheese fries, a loaf of bread and 2 salads and I scurry to her place and we stuff face and chat. This particular time we were at her house and I grabbed the grub and we gorged ourselves and were cleaning up. Jen looked at her salad and then at me and then at the trash and back at me and said "Should I just toss this salad?" As soon as the words fell from her lips we burst out laughing. Just a small dose of how our wicked minds will twist things that are all right and make them completely wrong. I love Jen for so many reasons but this shared trait makes our friendship more solid then sisterhood for me!

[0 of 6 customers found this review helpful]

Nice but it will be better with a lid

By carli from bronx ny on 9/24/2010

Pros:

Durable, Easy To Clean, Easy To Use

Best Uses:

Infants, Toddlers

Describe Yourself:

First Time Parent

Bottom Line:

Yes, I would recommend this to a friend

i love this product but it will better with a lid with tiny hole to breath because living the bottles in the rack will be exposed to roaches

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This review was happened upon by Jen while doing her registry for their son to born this coming May. She reads lots of reviews on the products as most of us do to ensure we get the best quality we can but this one is quite funny. I think when she implies that this particular item has a design flaw because it lacks a lid, what she really means to say is that her home lacks cleaning products and/or an exterminator. Maybe Carli from the Bronx should think about moving out of the roach filled city rather then bagging on Dr. Brown's bottle drying rack. That would solve the problem I think...

So, that concludes my blog on silly things I've found recently but I am always on the hunt for more. I hope you can find a little humor where you didn't expect to find it, too. It can really make your day!