What am I doing up at this hour, you ask? Don't give me the third degree! You're not the king of me!

I will tell you why...It's because I am in fact not human. I am a zombie or robot similar to the ones on Stepford Wives but not nearly as perfect, unfortunately. I am the twisted, potty mouthed step sister of one of those lady-bots. I know how to bring home the bacon and fry it up but with far more pizazz and much less class than any of those bimbos! I have been described by my boss as having, and I quote, "Less class than a burned down school house!" True? Maybe so, but I own it and I have a blast! I don't go around judging, myself. I feel that sort of thing is better left to the expert,"The Big Guy in the sky", but some don't have that same outlook I guess.
I am currently in the process of a midnight- bake sale donation -preparation- extravaganza! Not nearly the turn out or as historically notable as Woodstock but the name I gave it has a nice ring to it, dontcha think? I was asked to make something for my sister to sell at her church bake sale so being the great sister that I am... "I'm right on top of that, Rose", a quote from Don't Tell Mom, The Babysitters Dead. Just so happens that in an effort to be the great daughter and the great niece and the great employee at Del's lemonade that I know I should be, now is when that task fits into the schedule. I love to say that word "schedule" in a British upper crusty voice and I just heard myself do just that in my head as I typed the word. Just thought I would share that with y'all! That's me, I'm a sharer and a giver. I can't help it. I really am quite the hostess inviting you right into my head that way.
I began my day by going to the flee market where I man the snack shack for Del's some weekends only to discover I would be the only one there. I quickly left that sad waste of my time ghost town and went to Walmart. Now I spelled it correctly as you will notice but again I open the door to my head for you and share the little tid-bit that I refer to that place as Wallmaaats; thick with Rhode Island accent although I'm told I don't really posses that lovely little gift of an alphabet void of the letter "R". I spent what seemed like an eternity wandering around like Alice in Wonderland searching for items that about 2 months ago I knew right where they lived but have since been relocated in a nonsensical manner and strewn here,there and everywhere for what I hear-tell is to make room for some Swine Flu foolishness. Then after that hour and a half debacle, I headed to my old friend Home Depot where they leave well- enough alone so creatures of habit such as myself don't snap, thank goodness! I then headed over to my parent's house and gave my grandpa a big huge hug because that's what you do when you are blessed with someone that fantastic in your life. My dad, step-mom and sister and I then put away some flooring into storage and stacked some firewood together. I must say, my dad and I have a far better understanding of one another when physical labor is being performed. I like to work beside him because we can talk and enjoy each other in that arena. Can't explain it, just know it to be fact. I then scurried over to my Uncles house. Again, not Uncle X. While this uncle is quite a character as well, he is not the one I would like to write a book with either. I am surrounded by uncles so that may tell you why I turned out to be such a Tomboy. He had a job for me to do involving two giant mirrors that needed mounting upon his bathroom walls. I obliged. In the words of Larry the Cable Guy, "Git R Done!" That is the abridged version of my day that led me to this midnight bake-off.
So having just told you all this in my near comatose stupor, you may be asking yourself why I am still single when I seem like the whole package. What with my practical love of tools and yard work and the fact that I can't grasp the concept of spending hard earned money on frivolous baubles such as jewelry and flowers combined with my superior skills in the kitchen I can't say that I wouldn't be asking the same question. All I can say is, I'm just lucky, I guess! *Wink!

Monday night T.V. is good again finally! That hasn't happened since high school!

My friends and I used to have "Ally Mcbeal nights at Kim's" back in high school and I love that show to this day! When I look at Ally I see so much of myself. Her self-conscious awkwardness, quirky personality and her taste in clothes are all me. I'm a lot like her but with a healthy dose of prude and a mound of morals. I love the humor and the way she imagines things that are just so nuts happening to her and those around her is fantastic. Everyone on that show is just a little "different" and I would love to live in a world where it was so obvious that others have faults and insecurities, too. I have purchased the DVD box set and revisit the gang now and then! Anyway, just as we had our tradition on Monday nights back then, I have a new Monday night tradition now.

I am addicted to Dancing With the Stars! I have a standing Monday night date with my Grandma to watch and "oooo" and "ahhhh" over the talented and not-so-talented stars. We like to guess the scores and then complain when Len gives junky dancers higher marks then our favorites. All the attractive men don't hurt either! Eye candy is always a plus. That's right, boys! Girls do it, too! We just refrain from drooling all over and scratching ourselves.

Now after that show comes Castle and that is joy as well! That show has heaps of sarcasm and tons of sexual tension. I enjoy shows that have these qualities very much. I live vicariously through the characters made up in Hollywood. I don't have the confidence to be the bold personality like the ones I admire in those shows and movies. If you know me and are reading this you may disagree but in my head I'm way more insane then I am in real life. I have quite an imagination but hardly ever display what it comes up with. I try to tone myself down to make it legal to go out in public. You can thank me later for having such restraint so you don't get injured as a result of the three ring circus like the one that is being carried out in my head.

So if you have a favorite show or a tradition or anything I would love to hear about it and discuss the subject with you so send me a comment and we can chat. I always like to hear about different fun stuff I haven't happened upon yet. You never know what you could be missing and I would rather not miss a thing if I can help it. If you can be a part of broadening my horizons then that would be a great service you provided and I thank you for that in advance. Tell me about your favorites or complain about garbage television and film, that would be a great time as well. So long for now... see you next time, folks!

Blogging is better then... how great chocolate is for some people.

Blogging is like sweet release. Like when you are in line at the mall desperately trying to pay for your items that are too perfect to set down for fear someone may rob you of them and you just know you couldn't live if that happened, all the while dancing the pee-pee dance because the blue haired old biddy in front of you can't figure out how to swipe her charge card. Finally, it's your turn and you of course finish up in timely manner because you weren't born during the stone age and now you turn tail, make like a bread truck and haul buns down to the food court and slide into a filthy stall and barely get your pants down and hover at a safe enough distance to not catch cooties and then... Ahhhhh! Sweet release! Haven't had that particular experience? Well, good for you but I have and thats what blogging is like for me!

It's like I can say anything. I pretty much do in real life anyway but this eliminates the pesky parts where other people say stuff in the middle of my thoughts as if they are necessary to the conversation or something. Don't get me wrong, I love to chat with friends and family and even the occasional stranger. I did that at a Red Sox game and somehow got on the subject of colonoscopies and we compared notes during the 6th inning... I told you I say anything. The trouble is my brain doesn't always work and focus is hard to come by so this is perfect. I can go and go uninterrupted forever if I wanted. I wish I had more comments because that part is fun! Don't feel bad about writing bad stuff either, I don't care. It's all good to me.

I don't have that focus problem when I'm hunkered down watching a movie, though. I try to catch everything I can. My favorite is catching stuff in the background that goes on behind the character's carrying out the main scene. Sometimes there is treasure to be found in the background. Mistakes are fun as well. There are a few in Pretty Woman my step sister pointed out when I was about 10 and that kinda started that for me. Any one who watches a movie with me thinks I must have seen it about 100 times and for some that’s the case. They just don't understand what movies are to me so it blows their mind if I can quote certain scenes after having seen it only once before. That’s what I do. I pay very close attention and when I watch them the next time I attempt to realize something I didn't catch the first time around... or 30th time... whatever the case may be.

I have a collection of DVD's about 300 strong and probably my CD's number about the same so now you know why my focus is weak. My memory is all clogged up with lyrics and quotes from various T.V. shows, movies and songs. I luckily know a few others who don't look at me sideways when I spout a random quote and just laugh out loud because something someone just said at work reminded of dialogue between characters in a movie. Sometimes I run across people who will even recite the costars next lines! Oh what a wonderful thing that is! I try to keep that in check but can't resist sometimes. There are quite a few quotes floating around in there and they get loose almost without permission sometimes.

I have been told I'm pretty quick witted and not too bad with the comebacks. When I meet someone equally quick, just stand back and watch the fireworks. My brother and I have a gift in that way. We play off one another quite often and that is a very fun game for me.

I enjoy this back and forth banter very much and it is displayed very well on "Whatever Martha" with Martha Stewart's daughter, Alexis and her friend Jennifer. This show has taken what was a very popular show with a certain demographic and made it something that an entirely different group of people will find amusing. Brilliant on Martha's part. She had the idea to take reruns of her show and play them for her wise-crackin' daughter and her equally fresh mouthed friend for the sole purpose of picking them apart and poking fun at them. Alexis and Jennifer make snide remarks about Martha's clothing and the craft of the day. They have a sarcastic wit about them that is charming and not overly mean spirited and that is how they struck gold. That was a show that our mothers and grandmothers made popular enough to sky rocket Martha to stardom 15 years ago while it bored the rest of us to tears. Martha now found a way to recycle that crap for my generation and she is getting more green for her green idea. There's nothing greener than recycling except maybe money. Bravo, Martha. You've done it again! Alexis and Jennifer are just two girls poking fun at the mother of one of them. Something I do with some of my friends all the time for little or no compensation but that's why these girls are smarter then we are. They turn a profit for their tomfoolery. If only I had thought of it first...

Next time I'm sitting at a table swapping stories with a group of my friends, maybe someone should tape it and pay me per laugh. That would be a sweet gig and I believe we have the tales to turn a buck. We could call it "Who wants to be a wise-ass?" Until then we will continue do it for free because the smiles on the faces of our friends is payment enough but someday I will want a raise!

Gun Stores and Barnes & Noble... heavenly combo!

My day was pretty great today. After the trip into Harvey to pick up a window to replace the lovely ply wood in the hole in my mother's house, I spent the rest of the day with my good friend shopping. He and I went to a gun store, Target, Panera Bread and Barnes & Noble to finish it off. Now that's a combo that describes me to a T. The gun store to satisfy the "hick" in me, Target to pick up a few seasons of The Office to satisfy the "Hollywood Diva", Panera because a gal's gotta eat and Barnes & Noble to pick up a book of photography called "Men Before 10 a.m" to make the artsy side of me giggly like a school girl. That book was nowhere to be found but I scored another coffee table photography book on one of my favorite Hollywood icons, Audrey Hepburn so it wasn't a total loss. The other book is on Amazon so I win even when I lose, it seems.

Now these events just serve as further proof that I am a bit of a puzzle; some would say a few pieces shy of a complete puzzle but what do they know? One of my friends recently described me as just the right combination of perfection and imperfection. I like that better... she knows her stuff. I think all these parts just make me more fun to watch. Who wants predictability unless you’re watching an episode of Full House? Some day I may be able to squish all these parts into something useful. I joke with my brother and one of my uncles (not Uncle X), about how successful we would be if we could find a way to document our family and the shenanigans that ensue without hurting feelings. The world would love to read a book called "My Big Fat White Trash Family", I just know it but not everyone in the family would come out laughing. Some people can't take a joke, you know how it is. I can poke fun at myself better than anyone but some don't like being the butt and I can understand that. Believe me when I say no one would be safe either so that’s a large linch mob and I don't like running for my life. The creative juices flow still and I can't help imagining who would play me in the movie version if I could pull it off without being disowned. I think maybe Debra Messing could be "Kimberly as an adult", what do you think?

If you knew my family at all you would understand completely. There are so many great personalities just begging to be shared with everyone. My brother, uncle and I all have a very similar sense of humor so if we were to collaborate the sky would be the limit. My mother and grandma are the opposite but luckily they get a kick out of the three of us just being us. Grandma would be a very strong character what with her backwoods way of thinking and the lack of the ability to hear what anyone is saying at normal volume. Yelling across the table at her and her misinterpreting every other word and just completely missing the rest. My mom also is made for something like this. Her brain has a direct route to her mouth, no yield or stop signs anywhere, and everything she thinks comes right out verbally no matter how inappropriate that thought may be. Every holiday is just another opportunity to collect material.

The three of us clowns have minds like steel traps too and they all know it. Too bad for them but great for us that they just can't help being hilarious without even trying. Then there's that uncle who does anything for a laugh and whenever I am around him thats all I do. He has had quite an awesome past that pleads to be made into a biography! He wants to call it "Bob and Me" and if you ever see that title and flip the book over and see a hillbilly on the back you buy that book and go use the bathroom so you don't soil yourself when you settle down to read it. He was a kid who made Dennis the Menace look like an angel. My brother had his wonderful ideas when he was a little guy and brought them to fruition if at all possible and often times mortified our parents. I think sometimes they were secretly impressed with what a kid could pull off with a yard full of junk and a few tools and a brilliant scheme. He also has another useful gift. That kid can talk you into anything and often times got myself and our step-siblings to help him out if we were needed. We did have junk everywhere. The neighborhood kids wanted to play man hunt in what they affectionately called "Dave's used parts" almost every night in the summer. My dad has an impressive pile of what most people see as rusty crap but he looks out and sees beautiful equipment he can't wait to restore. I hope all his dreams come true too or us kids will have a fortune to pay to scrap all that when he is turning wrenches and digging ditches up in Heaven.

So remember if you ever find yourself in the company of even one of us, don't slip up. We will store that away and pass that story around at the Christmas dinner table and all get a big chuckle at your expense. You never know... you may even find yourself a character in a book written by 3 idiots from the sticks in Rhode Island. It would all be in good fun so don't be offended... we still love you but the opportunity is just too good to pass up. That's just how it goes in show business, you use what you got... and we certainly do.

You can't fit me in that box... no matter how hard you try.

Here's the thing...

I really don't fit in a box at all. I'm in construction but love fashion and culture. I clean up ok and enjoy the theater and art but I burp and fart whenever I have to. Don't get me wrong... I know when it's ok to let one rip and don't do that sort of thing when I'm out to dinner or around those who don't know me just yet. Once you’re in my circle, you get it all, like it or not. That's another part of "the thing", most people either love me or hate me. My sense of humor has no censor and I thrive on the reactions I get from others so over the top is my middle name. That's good too because I wasn't given an actual middle name when I was born.

I am a contradiction and often times that doesn't work for others but I really am not interested in changing that much to please them. I know there are some flaws I don't like about myself and I try to pinpoint them and work on them. In fact, I am always going to be a work in progress. For the most part though, I am me and that’s who I am. A little quirky, never really one of the cool kids but I can adapt and feel at ease in any situation. I am not great at anything but love to learn new things so I kinda know a little about a lot. I love spending quality time with my grandfather, Erastus or with my nephew, Cameron. That says something as well. I get along great with 80 year olds and 2 year olds. It's true! I have always hung out with folks that were older than myself and can always be found right in the center of a pile of kids playing Lego's on the floor.

My dad likes to tell people about how when I was 11 I would be home watching Turner Classic Movies while others my age were watching MTV. The truth is I came home from school one day and caught the movie Funny Girl from the middle and felt a connection with the character Fanny Brice from the get -go. I had to see it start to finish and let me just say it wasn't easy to find that movie before DVD came out and internet was in every home. Now almost everything is out there some where and it's relatively easy to find it if you look hard enough. I learned a ton from watching Fanny in action. She was never the prettiest or the most conventional but she had passion. That was the beginning of all this for me. I then started watching musicals and dramas and romantic comedy and anything I could get before my eyes. Through that, my love of music grew as well. Music and film is filled with emotions and characters who show you how to be even if it happens by showing who you don't want to be.

I tend to hide my deeper side behind my goofy side and suppose that's where film and music come in to play. I can get into a mood and just need to watch Moulin Rouge. The music and the camera angles are phenomenal! I often get sucked into a week long marathon of The Mirror Has Two Faces. I can watch The Mirror with Barb Streisand about 10 times over and over and feel like it's the first time. I can watch the L Word and experience the growth and passion between the characters Bette Porter and Tina Kinard and think there is hope in this world for people who love one another and are willing to work hard to make a relationship that can last, gay or straight. The way they shoot some scenes and the music they put behind it are so powerful on that show sometimes. The wardrobe for Bette is a dream wardrobe for me if I just were a different character in my own life. Jennifer Beals who plays Bette Porter is an inspiration to me. She breathes such life into everything she does from her family to her career as well as her photography. She is steadfast in the things she believes in and puts everything she has into everything she does. She has class and beauty and talent beyond words. She is on the top of my list of 5 people who given the chance to have a cup of tea and chat with, I believe she could change my life for the better just as her work does. I love when I watch something and feel the pain or joy that the character is going through as if it is my own. The fact that people have the ability to make me not feel like the only one who has ever felt that way is such a comfort. It tells me that someone felt like I do at some point because they took the time to write it into the life of a character for everyone to get to know.

Timing and delivery and chemistry are so important. When those things are all there magic happens. Will and Grace and the L Word are great examples of this for me. I have been told I look a little like Debra Messing and that I act a lot like Megan Mullaly's character, Karen Walker. I hope all that is even a little true. Megan, by the way, is also on that list I have tucked away in my brain of fantasy conversations I would give my left one to be able to have. Oh, that would be a fun one!

I am a christian but very open minded and that doesn't sit well with some in that world. I work in construction but when people hear that they don't believe a girl who is 5'5" and 140 lbs does what I do. They expect someone a bit more... "butch", if I may when they meet me after having heard about me. When people hear I'm single and hear what I do for a living many assume gay but I'm not that either. I'm just single and happy. If it's meant to be it will be and thats just how I feel about it. Unlike most chicks on the cusp of 30, I don't look for love because I'm genuinely happy as I am. I learned early on from the mistakes of others that you can't change anyone and if someone tries to change me to fit some mold then they don't understand or appreciate me and therefore don't belong in my life. I really don't fit in the box but they still try to cram me in. So i march to a different drum... is that such a bad thing? I hope not...

So my life isn't glamorous or exciting per say, but I do what I can with what I was given. I'm not high maintenance and won't make any kind of trophy wife. I'm very old fashioned but live in a modern world so what else can I do? I have to escape now and then with a great playlist on my ipod or by watching Definitely Maybe... because I'm convinced I'm someone's April. So the soundtrack keeps on playing and character's come and go and my show runs season after season so I stay tuned in and watch what happens. Care to join me?

My First Real Blog is Born! Isn't she cute?

SO... here's the thing, an uncle I will call Uncle X told me last night that I should write me a blog. I'm going to take that advice right now and he promised to read it and comment but not tell people we are related so he'd better make good on that promise or else! I will go ahead and tell you I'm a carpenter, not a writer and although I took five years of French class and the normal amount of English required at Chariho High in little bitty Rhode Island... grammar and spelling are not my strongest subjects in any language. It has also been eleven years since my last high school course so all that is gone now anyhow. Punctuation will be misplaced and sentences will be run-on so any advice and guidance to make this fun to read is welcomed... that is assuming anyone will even read this at all... besides Uncle X, of course.

The advice was to write a blog to discuss my passions in life because my real life does not involve any of the afore mentioned passions. I am a huge fan of the Arts and I know that it is a broad term so I will be more specific. I live for music, film, theater and photography. These things I have not pursued sadly just because life happens ready or not and I decided to try to be prepared so I work as normal people must do to get by. So this blog will maybe help me to find other people with similar passions so we can share opinions and I can learn more about my favorite Arts and maybe a few more I can appreciate.

Here is a little bit about me, my back story if you will. I am a 29 year old woman from Rhode Island. As I said, I am a carpenter for about 7 years now. This is a job I love doing and I find satisfying so don't think I want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am aware that almost every child when asked what they want to be when they grow up the answer will almost always be a singer or a star in some capacity and at my age that is not nearly as cute so I don't verbalize these dreams. I do know that given the opportunity to drop it all for a shot to do something in television or film with minimal risk, I wouldn't think twice. Alas, I am 29 and not beautiful and lack talent so it isn't likely that Hollywood will come to call on me. I have worked in a few different jobs including restaurants, in a tank truck with a family business and in a movie theater. That job is the closest to a film career I have gotten unless you want to count my day to day antics. One of my favorite things is to people watch and say and do things to get a reaction out of others so I guess I try to bring some of the aspects of tv and film to my life. Timing and delivery are everything, after all.

I guess that's the beginning of my story for you. I hope it gets better as I learn about this blog thing. If you are reading this, I thank you and try to stick with me as I get deeper and improve. I promise to bring my sense of humor to every meeting! Keep on singing in the car and always remember music is better when it is played LOUD!