Ironic or iconic? That is forever my struggle.

I am not average. I'm not typical or predictable. I don't have a style or even any style. I do and say things for my own amusement as often as possible. I wear what feels right at the time be it Nikes and jeans and boycut underpants or a pencil skirt and pumps and lace underthings. I can't be just one thing. That's not in my nature. I like being versatile and quirky and rarely question that. I like meeting new people and experiencing different things. I want to be more adventurous and explore myself and what I'm capable of. I've been testing my own boundaries and attempting to use my big brass balls for something other than shocking people. I want to boldly take Kimberly to places she has only dreamed of both geographically and figuratively.

I am not the most confident person ever but most people who know me find that hard to comprehend. I'm bold and ballsy and as long as what I'm doing is for a laugh, I can do anything I'm dared to do. I'm loud and outspoken but that is just part of me. I'm soft and gentle at times but I keep that hidden mostly. Even when I'm feeling feminine I always make sure to add a little something edgy to blur the line. I am how I am for good reason. I've seen things that I can't forget. I was taught at a young age to resent being a woman. I learned I don't like people looking at me because they think I'm pretty. The lesson was be strong. Being weak is not an option and being overly feminine equals weakness.

Irony is a common practice for me. I wear shirts that say things like "Tell me I'm your daddy" and "Take it easy. There's enough for everyone". In reality, I'm not anyone's daddy and no one really gets any of me at all. That's funny to me. I know the joke and I love it. I am sarcastic and fresh and some people appreciate that. Others find it abrasive and I understand. Folks tend to love me or hate me and I'm at peace with that because I did it. It's a little bit of control over myself that I take on purpose.

Iconic however came about quite by accident. I really enjoy dressing up. I do it for me and put things together in a way that isn't always the norm and I don't do it to impress. I have though. When I go to church or attend an event, people look to see what I have on and what shoes I've worn that day. It takes me less than 30mins from the time I get in the shower to the time I walk out the door but apparently I do ok. I love art and fashion and try to put outfits together that will satisfy that for me and me alone. I don't really pay much mind to what others will think but it's fun when they like what I've done. I think I'm pretty plain and simple but give a little kick in some sometimes subtle way and I guess that's what makes the difference.

I use humor to get through. I need it. I can't be taken too seriously or it makes my skin crawl. I want to be funny as long as it's my joke. I don't take compliments well. In fact, they make me very uncomfortable. My own body isn't a great place to live unless I'm contorting it and/or making silly faces. The journey I've been on the past 8 or 9 months is my own because I think I'm ready to explore. I am ready to face what I have become and why I insisted on becoming her. I am ready to face pain and move past it. I have grown and learned a lot about myself in this time. I've tried things and done things and talked about things I thought I couldn't or never would have before. I've just realized how often I have used the pronoun "I" or some from of it in this entry. Repetitious and yet astounding all at once. This is about me and how I am learning to be the best version of me possible. "I" seems to be the theme and I should honor that. "I"ronically "I"conic or "I"conically "I"ronic, I am on my way.