First we must learn to live with the fact and hopefully some day embrace it...

Then we get a grip... a firm grip on the phone and call our hairdresser and trusted friend and make a quick appointment bright and early Saturday morning and pay to hide this fact as best we can. I'm getting old but shhhhh! Don't tell anyone. As far as I'm concerned the Nile is just a river in Egypt and nothing more.

I was chatting with one of my closest friends... I refuse to say oldest friends even though thats what she is in a manner of speaking. I have known but not always loved this girl for about 16 years or so. We didn't always like each other but once we realized we just didn't understand one another when we were brought together by a mutual friend, we couldn't deny our chemistry. The rest is history. Now I can send her a text that to anyone else would look like a complete pile of gibberish or a jumble of unrelated words and she will respond and finish the sentence. We both will say things in the company of coworkers or other friends and laugh out loud while we get blank stares and will be forced to say, "If Jen were here..." or "If Kim were here..." followed by the phrase "...that would have been hysterical". I can say things to her like "I just went to BJ's and found Clueless and Mean Girls in a pink, sparkly box set and I bought it!" She would then utter these words in ecstasy "Oh my goodness!! That sounds like Heaven!" That is one of the instances that reminds me that her and I are soul mates who belong together for eternity.

We will go to a restaurant and upon getting a waitress who seemingly does not enjoy our company, Jen will lean in as she walks away and say to me with the seriousness of a heart attack, "She just doesn't like is because we are too pretty." I nod in agreement as if thats the only logical reason for her bad mood. Her and I send texts to one another with quotes from our favorite movies like Bye Bye Love, First Wives Club and Overboard as well as many others. She will send me randomly during the day something like "Oh you say! Sure!" and I will respond quickly with "It wasn't us, Dad! It must have been Roy!" Whenever I get a text or an email from Jen I am always delighted. She makes me smile whenever I even think about her.

This August I was privileged and honored to be asked to participate in her wedding. The experience was great and I will cherish the memories but not as much as I regret the invention of the camera. I had the best time but completely sober I somehow thought that it was perfectly acceptable to stand on my chair during dinner and command the attention of the room. At this point the logic portion of my brain was still on vacation I guess because I then urged the mass of family and friends to sing along to Neil Diamond's, "Sweet Caroline" with me as if I were conducting a concert and they were my choir. I have no explanation for any of this except that I am maybe just a few bananas short of a bunch. Luckily for me, Jen and her wonderful husband have a great sense of humor. Sadly for me, they had a wonderful photographer who quickly noticed who had no self control and they could get some painful pictures that beg the question "Why am I allowed to be places?"

Jen and her husband are such a loving and hospitable couple who host beautiful picnics and parties in their lovely home for the group of friends and family that surround them. They are very creative and think of fun themes for these gatherings and everyone gets involved and we have a blast. This Christmas they have decided we will celebrate by having an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party. This of course delighted me to hear this news and receive an invitation. My twisted little mind immediately began thinking of what would be the most gaudy, hideously painful frock I could fashion for myself to sport during this party. I enlisted the assistance of my very creative step sister and we set out to produce this foul thing we now call the Christmas Wizard Costume. It is truly a masterpiece of huge, epic proportions with lights and singing characters and moving parts that include battery packs I must tuck into my pockets and carry around with me. I know this will be awkward and cumbersome but totally worth the aggravation. My step sister and I are really quite proud of ourselves and I hope it gets a worthy reaction tomorrow night.

So in the next few days you will surely be hearing about the wonderful shenanigans that will most certainly play out during this Holiday party, so come back for a follow-up to this blog. It's sure to be a great time and in turn inspire some witty, comical prose. Maybe all my foolishness is all in an effort to keep wading in the waters of the deep, deep Nile... but let's not get carried away with admitting and embracing facts. The grey hair is more then I care to handle at any given time and quite frankly I'm spent from this recent dilemma and will need to go to bed early for weeks to come just to recover.